Unveiled

"Oh, how he loves us... oh..."

My breathing is heavy from running through the hotel as I stand before the front of the class. I consciously try to slow my breathing and pulse down, not really sure what the point of the exercise was. Jason puts his hand on my chest and begins instructing me to do the same as the two before me. “Close your eyes,” he rumbles. I do. Breathe in. Press. Breathe out. Breathe in. Press. Breathe out. This goes on for a few more times, then he asked me. “Why are you passionate about acting?” I just shook my head, not sure if anything had changed from the last time he had asked me that question. Despite my efforts to calm them, both my breathing and my pulse increased. “There. Pull that emotion, that thought out from the depths. That's what you're looking for.” I can... barely hold on to whatever it is that I stumbled upon.

As it's slipping though my grip, a voice unlike Jason's calls out to me. “Justin...” My pulse quickens yet again.

“You've got it,” I hear Mr. Jason say, though it sounds like he's in a few rooms over.

“Justin...” It sounds like a whisper, but contains so much power... Suddenly, my own thoughts are plucked out of my subconscious and shown before me, like library books being taken off the shelf and leafed through. I start whispering as fast as I can everything that is being shown before me.

“I love acting because... because on stage, up there, I can truly be myself and not be ridiculed. Because the real acting takes place when I step off the stage.”

“That's it. Say it out loud.” I repeat myself.

“I love acting because on stage I am who I am. I don't have to be afraid that someone will make fun of me or reject me. Because when the curtain closes, the performance begins.” Thoughts of love and peace and acceptance from the Father rushed over me much to my relief and surprise. I felt as if I was standing before the throne of God, worshiping without music or words, just standing in awe of how much He loves me. Jason called my drifting conscience back to the hotel.

“Open your eyes and look around. What do you see?” I blinked a few times, still in shock of what I had just seen through closed eyes. Slowly, the class came back into focus.

“I see...” I couldn't believe what I saw. On those faces before me, I saw fights with spouses, with siblings. I saw the anxiety of not knowing where the next meal would come from. I saw mortgages, car loans, rent, phone bills, college tuition... behind those happy, plastic faces I saw pain. I saw suffering. “I see... that everyone is the same way, has the same fears. They don't want to show the world their vulnerable side, their weaknesses. They're all hiding behind a veil.”

Jason nodded, “This is the Justin that will change the world. I truly believe it. You may take your seat.”

I numbly walk back and sit down. I found it hard to focus for the rest of the class, my mind reeling from the experience. I felt the presence of God move into my conscience and begin to shift things... things that were covered in cobwebs and stained with old sins and regrets. It was unreal. I think I finally am beginning to understand what being “unveiled” truly means. Not just on stage, but in life.

"How he loves us, oh..."

I encountered God today, in the most unusual places. It wasn't in a sermon at church, it wasn't lifting my hands at a worship service, it wasn't discovering truth at a Bible study.

It was in an acting class.

Hypokrisis - [Gr.] playing a part, putting on a mask to misrepresent reality

"And heaven kisses earth with a wet, sloppy kiss..."

I had kind of been secretly wishing that he would call me up there, I really wanted this experience. So after the initial “What was I thinking?” thought passed, I was trying to scrap together a quick, yet complete minute speech on what I was passionate most about: acting. To be completely honest, I wasn't really sure where I was going with my impromptu speech lol. I mentioned how I've loved performing and entertaining people as a kid and how I like how, when I'm playing a character, that God will sometimes bring out traits that my character and I share. Traits that are great and traits that aren't so great. I finished up right as my 60 seconds were depleted and, just as before, the class gave feed back. I sit down, trying to keep anyone from noticing my shortness of breath or quivering hands. The class, once again, evaluates the body language of the performer.

Forgive me if I've bored you, but I'm just getting to the good part.

Jason calls Becca back up to the front of the class once again. Not really sure what's happening, she heads back up, but with a little more confidence in herself this time. He asks her to place her hand on her chest, then shows his hand to the class, similar to a magician would before a trick. Placing his palm on top of her hand, he tells her to breath deep. (kind of reminds me of a chiropractor lol) As she exhales, he pushes down and kind of wiggles his palm, pushing all of the breath out of her windpipe. “Most of the time we breath with our windpipe,” he explains, “when we really should be using our diaphragm instead. The diaphragm is the center of our breathing cycle. It's the energy for the machine.” Mr. Jason repeats this exercise a few more times. In a deep, relaxing and quiet tone, Jason speaks again. We all strain in to hear what he's saying, not wanting to miss out.

"...my heart is beating violently inside of my chest..."

“Alright. Close your eyes. Keep breathing from your diaphragm, let it connect you to your entire body. Now I want you to think about what you're passionate about. Think hard. Why are you passionate about it? How does it move you?”

Becca is quiet for a few seconds, then a smile slowly creeps its way onto her face.

“That's it. That's what stirs you. Now, I want you to whisper to us what your passion is.”

With her eyes still shut, Becca begins to tell us about why she's in love with reading. How she loves the way a story can take us on a journey through the author's imagination with twists and turns, taking us to faraway places, or deeper knowledge of ourselves.

I lean even more forward in my chair, entranced and nearly falling out. I can hear the passion literally dripping off her voice. I resist the urge to run out to the hallway and grab a mop. Jason stops her and tells her to open her eyes and say it out loud. The entire class is so silent, I'm not sure if everyone was remembering to breathe. Becca slowly opens her blue eyes, brighter than the Caribbean ocean on a sunny day. All the way in the back of the room, I can see the electricity buzzing behind her pupils, waiting, wanting to be unleashed. She starts speaking, her voice calm, even, and emotional. Her speech is purposeful, every word carefully selected. She makes eye contact with every one in the classroom, all of us hanging on each word. The difference between the first Becca and the second is night and day. By the time she finishes, I can't speak; I don't want to, I want her to keep going lol. She walks back, head held high, and sits down beside me. I just look at her in amazement. “Wow” I mouth to her. She grins and mouths “Yeah” back.

"...And I realize just how beautiful you are and how great your affections are for me..."

Next up is the new and improved Kim! xD Once again, Jason goes through the same exercises and routines, forcing Kim to relax and breathe from her diaphragm. This time, we all watch with grins and anticipation, knowing the change that is about to take place. She starts her whispered passion for gardening, similar to before. Jason, in his deep voice, stops her and forces her to think. "Why? Why does gardening mean so much to you? It's deeper than this, I can feel it." Her brows come together for a few seconds, then separates as her entire expression changes. "There," Jason says. "That's it. Don't let it filter through your mind, just say what your heart is saying." Kim's lips begin to quiver as a small tear escapes out of the corner of her eye. "Don't hold back," He purrs, "Let your heart flow." I'm guessing the tear ducts are tied fairly close to the heart because the heart wasn't the only thing flowin.

Through the soft sobs, Kim tried to speak. "Sometimes I feel like the plants that have withered away. I want to try to help them become beautiful again. I want to feel beautiful to God, I want him to enjoy looking at me..."

Jason nods. "That's it. Right there." He motions for her to take her seat as he continues. "And you know, that's ok. What happened right there. That wasn't acting, that was transparency. It's ok to want God to look on you with favor. And He does. He loves each one of his children and loves just leaning in to smell the sweet perfume of our praise." I wipe the tears off my arm from where I had, unknowingly, been crying along with Kim, sharing her desire for the Father's approval.

"Oh... how he loves us, oh..."

He turns to me. Oh no I think. My turn I suppose. As calmly as I can possibly muster, I head to the front of the room. I get there, but instead of starting his breathing exercises again, Jason tells me to kick off my flip-flops and jog around the hotel hallway for a few laps. I thought he was kidding. He wasn't. I kinda gave him a dumb look, then started off. If this was the only chance to ever learn from him, I wasn't gonna blow it with my fear of looking like an idiot (haha :p)

By now I must have jogged/ran (as much as you possibly can in a hotel :p) 8 laps. He stops me at the front of the class again, my heartbeat up and my breathing heavy.

"Now," he says, "we can begin."

A soul that nobody knows...

“He is jealous for me...”

I encountered God today, in the most unusual places. It wasn't in a sermon at church, it wasn't lifting my hands at a worship service, it wasn't discovering truth at a Bible study. It was in an acting class.

“...loves like a hurricane, I am a tree...”

This past week, I attended the Gideon Media Arts Conference and Film Festival. I had the privilege to be an intern at the conference and meet several wonderful, talented people. Every day there were workshops on how to do literally anything to do with the arts: from graphic novels, to songwriting, to acting, to how to light a movie set, to how to do 3-D films, you name it. It's a really informative conference and I can't even begin to tell you all the things I learned about my craft. But let me tell you something... nothing compares to what happened today.

“...bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy...”

I met Jason Hildebrand at last year's conference, and was blown completely out of the water by his humility and talent. He was kind of a big deal lol so I tried to steer clear of him and make sure I didn't get in his way. I can remember seeing his short film and thinking, this is a really talented man who has a heart for God. I want to get to know him. Well, as I said before, he was kind of off-limits to us last year, so this year, when I had the chance to pick a faculty member to have a meal with, I jumped at the opportunity.

“...when all of the sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory...”

I can remember when Becca (a dear friend of mine and fellow intern) and found out we were eating lunch with Mr. Hildebrand we were literally squealing like girls. Well... she is a girl... but... anyway, we were on cloud nine. I was so excited to finally get to pick the brain of such an amazing man. I could hardly eat when we sat down for that meal.

“...and I realize just how beautiful you are and how great your affections are for me...”

So we got to have lunch with Mr. Hildebrand and he shared so much wisdom with us, it was unbelievable. After talking for nearly an hour and a half, I no longer looked up to him because of his talent, I looked up to him because of his spiritual maturity and insight. Not only was he extremely knowledgeable about acting, but he had some pretty fantastic thoughts on what God thought about acting. Which brings me to today.

“...He love us, Oh... how He loves us, oh, oh how He loves us, oh how He loves us oh...”

When I heard, months ago, that Mr. Hildebrand was teaching an acting class, I literally wanted to attend the conference for that one class. That's how excited I was about that class. When his class rolled around today, I felt like jumping out of my skin. I couldn't explain why, but I knew this class was going to be one of phenomenal proportions. It was like the energy was buzzing in that tiny room today and you had to really focus to be able to hear over it. You know what? It's time for a flashback ;-)

“And we are His portion and He is our prize...”

I trot to the room praying he hasn't started yet, still lugging my laptop from the intern video and devotion from earlier this morning. I get to the room and it's already nearly full. I ease into the back row beside Becca and she gives me this grin. So she feels it too... the energy in the room is unlike anything we've felt all week. Mr. Jason is slightly pacing back and forth, rubbing his hands together as if he was trying to start a fire. Finally, everyone settles in their seats and he begins. He starts talking about what makes great acting, about what it means. “Great acting begins with and, ultimately, is transparency.” As he continues, his hands make several gestures to illustrate what he's saying. “We build walls that separate us as humans. We don't like to let people see our weaknesses. But if we can reach a point to where we tear down those walls, then our audience can connect with us. Transparency begins in our own personal lives, however. Being transparent is physically taxing and emotionally draining, that's why Christ often disappeared and went off to hang out with his close friends and Father, right?” He shifts gears for a moment and begins to tell us how our entire bodies are connected to our breathing and how important it is that, when we're performing, we breathe deep and circulate oxygen to the brain and make sure we're breathing right and all that jazz. Then he starts talking about how what we're wearing and how we hold ourselves can convey more than words ever could; how that can make or break a performance.

"...Drawn to redemption by the grace in his eyes..."

To demonstrate, he has Becca come up in front of the class. She shoots me a quick grin, as she walks up. I can tell she's a little nervous. Jason said, “Ok, you have 60 seconds to tell me about something that you love, something that you passionate about.” He starts the clock, but she just stands there. Finally, after about 10 or so seconds, she begins to tell us about reading. How, since her childhood, she's loved to read and go on different adventures. While she talks her voice is quivering a little bit, it's no doubt nerve-wracking. After calling time, Jason then turns to us and asks, “Ok, now what can you tell me about Becca? Forget about what she talked on, tell me what you saw in her posture, in her body language, in her voice.” We all share our speculations, and Becca walks back to her seat, hands still shaking just a bit.

"...if His grace is an ocean, we're all sinking in it..."

The next lady, Kim, goes up. Jason adjusts her posture before he gives her the go-ahead. “Same rules. You've got 60 seconds to tell me about something that you love. Go.” Kim doesn't waste any time delving in to her passion for gardening. How she's had a garden since she was a child and how she loves the way the flowers smell in the summer time and how her grandmother and her used to garden together. After she finishes, Jason just looks at her for a few seconds, thinking. He then turns to us and again asks the question of what we could tell from just her body language.

Finally, he looks around the room, asking for a guy to come up. I look at Becca and she nudges me with her eyes. You know what... she's right. Why would I pass up this opportunity to learn under one of my role models? I take a deep breath, and step out on faith. Here goes nothing...